3 posts tagged “sad”

Had a great weekend.  Then today.  Rachel has croup.  Gram is on hospice now :( Not doing well.  She's given up.  My PDA screen is shot.  Which means access to my checkbook.  :(  I am a nervous wreck about work tomorrow - first day of Electronic Medical Record. 

Plus I am PMSing.  And now Brothers and Sisters is on and I think Justin is going to die and I may just lose it and end up in the fetal position.

Mom called tonight and wanted to know if Vernon would wear some of Dad's shirts.  She is trying to pack some of them up.  It's such a double edged sword.  When Grandpa died Gram gave Vernon some of his things and it was comforting to see him wearing them and remember Grandpa....I don't know if I am ready for that yet though with Dad.  I just don't know.  I feel guilty when I don't think about him and feel ok.  Then I think about him and can't stop crying because I realize it's been a while (hours) since I thought about him and I feel guilty.  So I cry more.  Sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath it hurts so badly.  I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest.  There's so many things this spring that Dad will miss.  Luke's tee-ball.  Rach's entertaining. 

Counseling appointment is Wednesday. I hope it helps me.

Well...I like Fridays too BUT damnit I would like to start a petition to get January wiped from the calendar.  I am SOOOO glad it's finally February.  I guess the bad stuff started happening in January 01.  My Grandpa died.  Then January 05 - My aunt died.  And a good high school friend's father.  Now this January my Dad died, my cousin's husband has a heart attack, my Great Aunt moves to Colorado after her stroke, and my Grandma is very ill (on top of stressed and depressed).  So I really can't say I am sad to see January go.  I hope February brings some positive things in our lives.